Save Me, I’m Yours.

“What you say goes, God,
    and stays, as permanent as the heavens.
Your truth never goes out of fashion;
    it’s as up-to-date as the earth when the sun comes up.
Your Word and truth are dependable as ever;
    that’s what you ordered—you set the earth going.
If your revelation hadn’t delighted me so,
    I would have given up when the hard times came.
But I’ll never forget the advice you gave me;
    you saved my life with those wise words.
Save me! I’m all yours.
    I look high and low for your words of wisdom.
The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me,
    but I’m only concerned with your plans for me.
I see the limits to everything human,
    but the horizons can’t contain your commands!”

Psalms 119:89-96

Moment of confession, I suffer from anxiety. I Usually can deal with stressful situations and function under pressure well but there is a moment where my body and mind can’t take it anymore and I snap into a panic attack. During my first year of marriage I had many of them… one or two a week sometimes. My husband would get scared and ask me if he needed to call 911 but I would remind him that whatever I was experiencing wasn’t going to kill me. If I couldn’t breathe the worst thing that could happen is for me to pass out and then my body would start breathing again (because the trigger is in my brain…even though I can’t control it). But we won’t talk about that on this post.

One of my main and, little embarrassing, behavior to try to calm down is to hide in my closet or the bathroom. In the dark, I lay on the floor crying (fetal position normally) and other times I hug my legs and slightly rock myself  back and forth (I know the mental picture seems a little crazy). In that moment of ultimate vulnerability and brokenness the only thing I know to do is to pray. I repeat… “Jesus save me… I’m yours”. Saying this over and over again distracts my mind from the chaos and it slowly gives me peace of mind (the peace that only God can bring).

When I would get out of my breakdown and finally come out to the light and face my husband. I didn’t have all of the answers… reality was still complex and painful…but somehow I had the peace of mind that I needed to trust God in the process. God is the only one who knows how things will play out. My mission is to stay strong in my relationship with Him and He will take care of the rest (because He actually CAN move mountains).

save-meim-yours

Remember: Sometimes it seems like our humanity is too limited to know what to do or how to be. Situations are too big for us to handle… It seems like the only thing we can do is to lock ourselves in the bathroom or curl up on the floor of our closet and just cry… cry out over and over again… “Lord save me! I’m yours….”

God has everything under control, not even the horizons can contain his commands.This is why the best thing we can say is: Save me… I’m yours…

SHARE: Have you ever experienced something similar to this? What are your coping strategies when you get so overwhelmed that you can’t think or talk?

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