One of the things I constantly remind my stepchildren is that I love them for who they are and not because they are my husband’s children. To me it was an obvious thing, but I slowly realized that they needed to hear this often because it was easy for them to think that I love them just because “I have to”. Recently, I had many heart to heart conversations with my teenage girl about this topic because she expressed to me that sometimes she feels like a burden to me. My heart broke in million pieces when I heard that… Was I acting in a way that would make her feel like a burden? With tears in my eyes I apologized to her if that was the case… I expressed to her that I chose to do all of the things that I do for her. I got married knowing that I would have to do things for them that would require time and effort, and I chose to do it because I love them.
Since the beginning of my marriage I told my husband that I didn’t love the kids because of him, but because of how God loved me first. If I loved them because of my husband I would literally stop taking care of them every time I was mad at him or every time he hurt me in some way. If my relationship with the kids was linked to my relationship with my husband it would be unfair to them every time we have an argument. How many times have you felt unappreciated for what you do and wanted to stop doing it just to show your husband how much he needs you?
The same principle is applied to biomom. I would never link that relationship with the kids… Imagine if they had to suffer every time she does something that makes me angry, bothers me or hurts me? The truth is that my relationship of love for my stepchildren must be separated from my feelings towards either of their biological parents. My love and responsibility for them is strictly spiritual. They are God’s children and I love them and care for them the same way God loves and cares for me, is as simple as that.
“Look around you: Everything you see is God’s—the heavens above and beyond, the Earth, and everything on it. But it was your ancestors who God fell in love with; he picked their children—that’s you!—out of all the other peoples. That’s where we are right now. So cut away the thick calluses from your heart and stop being so willfully hardheaded. God, your God, is the God of all gods, he’s the Master of all masters, a God immense and powerful and awesome. He doesn’t play favorites, takes no bribes, makes sure orphans and widows are treated fairly, takes loving care of foreigners by seeing that they get food and clothing.”
If you realize that your stepchildren are God’s, you will understand how important your role is in their lives. You have been chosen to take care of God’s children… How big of a responsibility is that? Everything you do for them do it for God, not for your husband. If their mom isn’t nice to you, don’t let your feelings get in the way and influence how you take care of her children. If you take her and your husband out of the equation of your motivation to love them you will truly find the purpose of your role in their lives. Love them because they are God’s children, and God always deserves your best.
SHARE: WHEN DID YOU NOTICE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR STEPCHILDREN? DID YOU EVER STRUGGLE WITH LOVING THEM? HAVE YOU EVER FELT THAT YOU WERE PROJECTING UNTO THEM THE BAD FEELINGS YOU HAVE WITH THEIR MOM OR DAD? HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT?