One of the things I can’t understand is when people question my ‘good behavior’. It sounds crazy right? but I’ve had people getting mad at me for loving my step-kids way too much. Sometimes talking behind my back saying that I don’t have the “right” to post so many pictures of the them or that I shouldn’t call them “mine”. It seems so crazy to think that people would judge you for loving your step-children way too much! it almost feels like a never ending battle…. if you don’t love the kids enough you are evil….if you love them too much you are just trying to replace the mom (eye-roll)… is like there is no right way…ever!
Most people don’t actually think about the meaning of the kids in MY life. All they care about is how do they feel about me, or how does biomom feel about me, or how is your husband “handling it” but no one stops to even consider what it means for ME to have someone else’s children in MY life. It almost feels like the story of their lives had a huge plot twist that everyone is waiting to see how it resolves… and my life has just started (with…hello! biggest twist ever!) but no one cares.
I say this because this is my first (and only) marriage. I don’t have children of my own and I took very personally my responsibility of taking care of my loved ones (aka my husband and my two kids). And yes, they are my kids…why? because they are in MY life. Yes, they have a mother; No, I’m not trying to replace her. But they are the only kids I have… I take care of them, I feed them, I take them to school and the doctor, I lay in bed with them and talk (and sometimes cry), I pray with them and I invite their friends over to our house. They are a part of my life that I married into. Is not like people are saying “uh look at her trying to replace his wife…he is not yours! don’t love him so much!” (or maybe some do say it…idk).
My point is, If people don’t question me calling my husband mine (because I married him) why are they questioning me calling my stepchildren mine? I married them as well (yes, I consider my marriage promise to be for my husband and his kids, not just for him).
One of my fears is to do things for the wrong reasons (ex, posting a picture of my kids to portray how much fun we are having). Sometimes I get so bothered by biomom’s post on FB trying to show the world she is the children’s mother and and how much they love her (yes..she literally puts it on absolutely every comment and photo of them…even on the photos I upload). Which obviously makes me want to start a cyber war of posts and comments to show everyone the truth! (truth: we take care of them too, we love them too, they love us too, they have fun with us too, we pay child support and more-always; you are not alone-we help you with everything, etc, etc…)
BUT GOD STOPS ME! and shows me that THIS IS NOT THE WAY.
That is not who I am, and that is not important. I don’t have to post the truth because it doesn’t matter what people think. Every time I post something out of emotion God lets me know and I go back to delete it. All of my posts should come out of a genuine place of happiness and love and not of the bitterness of comparisons and insecurities.
“God, investigate my life;
get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can’t take it all in!”
God knows your heart and your mind. He knows your motives and your true intentions when you do things. Ask him to show you if you are doing something for the wrong reasons, be humble and wait for his answer. Ask him to defend you when you are being questioned, He sees everything, He knows your heart. Trust Him.
SHARE: HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MOMENT WHERE YOU REALIZED THAT YOUR INTENTIONS WEREN’T THE PUREST? HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED JUDGMENT FOR LOVING YOUR KIDS TOO MUCH?