I’m pretty sure that if I ask how many of you feel tired and need a long seven-day nap you will all raise your hands… Being a housewife is a lot of work! I don’t even know how working moms do it (and working and student moms). Since I got married I’ve had periods where I worked, I studied and also I stayed at home. There was an overlap of three roles for a couple of months and it felt like I was sprinting a marathon.
We all know that doing so many things at once can get you very tired but there is an aspect that we never talk about and I feel that sometimes is misunderstood. Being a stepmom sometimes could be more emotionally draining than being a biological mom. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying this to minimize in any way the wonderful and tireless work that regular moms do (that is also very draining). But I feel that sometimes people think of biomoms and appreciate all they do but don’t realize that stepmoms do all of that and many times much more. Quiet often I hear phrases like “poor thing… she is all alone doing so much…” or comments like “you have a husband so you can carry the load together” or “you don’t have to worry about the kids because they aren’t your own…”(I could continue but you get the point).
So here are my ten reasons why I feel that many stepmoms get more emotionally drained than biological mothers. (There are more…but I chose these today)
- If the kids drive you insane you can’t discipline them as you would with your own children (or at least not in your full on mama-is-angry-stay-away kind of way).
- We get the same load of housework as regular moms even though we have a husband. Taking the kids to school, keeping up with everyone’s schedules, lunches, games, concerts and birthday parties…I could go on forever.
- We need to be ready to do anything that is required at anytime (specially if we don’t work). Most likely biomama works (because she is all alone, remember?) so guess who gets to take the kids to doctor’s appointments? or is at the speed dial to drop everything and go if the kids forgot their backpacks at the other home or an actual emergency pops up?
- We feel the same fears and worries that bioparens feel. Do you really think that because we didn’t birth the children we don’t worry about them? (are they ok? will something happen? did they eat? are they cold? will they be safe? will they have a good partner in life? etc…etc..)
- We have the extra fears of something happening to the children while under our supervision. How many times have I been the “mean one” that doesn’t let them run around by themselves at the mall because of the fear that they might get lost, taken or injured? –I always try to make them understand that there is no way I’m calling their dad to ask him to meet me at the ER…you can try jumping off of that wall when they are around but not under my watch #SorryNotSorry
- Most situations are out of our control….including our own schedules. We don’t decide on almost anything regarding the children even though our lives revolve around them too.
- Most of us didn’t play a role through the divorce but somehow are treated like the one that came in to ruin everyone’s life (if not by the biomom it could be by the kids, or by her family, or his family, or their friends, or the other parents at the school… **With Ophra’s voice: judgment for you! judgment for you! judgment for all!! ).
- We can’t really share with our friends or family all that we go through because we don’t want to spread negativity around. We also don’t want them to think that we are unhappy and most likely they won’t understand us anyway… It could also become gossip easily and complicate things…or maybe we share friends with biomom so we don’t want to create drama. (Hello blogging!!!)
- We want to hear all of the stories but it brings us mixed emotions. The amazing vacations, the great memories, the funny incidents, the milestones, the baby pictures… we want to get to know all of our children’s lives! but that can also cause so many mixed feelings (Is nice to hear but sad to have missed it..and a little jealousy could also pop up because we weren’t there… or the fear that if they reminisce so much they will hate their lives now… or maybe the fear of not being able to make them as happy now as they were back then… Idk… so many emotions)
- It’s like a rollercoaster of feelings all the time! we feel so much! the pain that can pierce your heart when you realize you made a mistake and hurt someone… the extreme sense of happiness when one of the kids wants to cuddle with you or requests you to come over to the bed to have a little talk before going to sleep. The pain of not receiving any recognition on mother’s day or the overwhelming joy of recieving it. Every time you hear them refer to you or your family as their own. When they ask for your advice or post a picture on social media with you in it… so many little things that have such profound meaning in our lives. The falls are hard but the triumphs are even greater with so much reward!
This life sometimes can get too emotionally overwhelming so we need to try to find a moment to relax and meditate. In order to be emotionally healthy we must find time for ourselves and reflect on our identity in Christ.
“I’m asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long…
I’ll contemplate his beauty;
I’ll study at his feet.
That’s the only quiet, secure place
in a noisy world,
The perfect getaway,
God holds me head and shoulders
above all who try to pull me down.
I’m headed for his place to offer anthems
that will raise the roof!
Already I’m singing God-songs;
I’m making music to God.”
Sometimes the house gets too busy… I encourage you to wake up earlier than everyone and search for God’s peace. He is your perfect getaway… Search for his presence. He will hold your head up above anything that tries to pull you down.
SHARE: DO YOU ALSO FEEL OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTIONS REGARDING THE CHILDREN? WHAT ARE YOUR STRATEGIES TO COPE WITH THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER?