One of the things that I noticed right away after I got married is that my life had not only changed completely but also that I had lost all control over it. My schedule now revolved around the kid’s schedule and biomom’s schedule overnight.
In a matter of two years I had lost the ability to decide when I would do things and with whom. I went from completely single with full control of my life to extremely committed (not only to one person but three). Attached to this came no control over my schedule, sleeping habits, eating habits, friend’s hangouts, leisure time activities and creative control of my house and anything in it.
When getting married is difficult enough to adapt to moving in with another human being and learning how to accommodate and compromise with them to add two more people to the mix (one adolescent and another pre-adolescent I may add) with all of their routines, eating habits, cleaning styles (or not…. sigh*), personal preferences (very vocal) and insecurities and fears.
I get overwhelmed just thinking about it…. did I ever think it would be this hard? NOPE. For some insane reason I thought that I would be respected for the adult that I am and that everyone would know that I was the woman of the house in charge of deciding certain things that come with that role (so naive…. so young…so innocent). Instead I found myself trying to “make room” for me. I got so frustrated on my first year of marriage… my entire “bubble” of expectations came crashing down one simple thing at a time. Who would have guessed that it would be so important for me to be able to decide what to cook, where to place things or how to clean? So many little things caught me off guard… I came to the conclusion that because I couldn’t decide over the big things in my life (how to raise the kids, how my schedule looks like, etc..) I slowly became obsessed with trying to control at least the little things in my life (which also didn’t work out because apparently I can’t even be the boss of my own kitchen). Is it normal? should I be worried? am I being crazy? or selfish?
The only thing that I can control in my life is my personal relationship with God. I found that my escape was meditation in God’s word and prayer. True, genuine and vulnerable conversations with the one and only who watches everything that happens around me and inside of me. This is the only thing that I don’t negotiate and that I can have full control of… and God promises me that if I prioritize Him everything that happens around me can be turned into a blessing, even the chaos.
“Everything God does is right—
the trademark on all his works is love.
God’s there, listening for all who pray,
for all who pray and mean it.
He does what’s best for those who fear him—
hears them call out, and saves them.
God sticks by all who love him,
but it’s all over for those who don’t.
My mouth is filled with God’s praise.
Let everything living bless him,
bless his holy name from now to eternity!”
Psalms 145: 18-19
There is one thing you can always be sure of in your blended life (where many things are out of your control): if you fear God– make him your number one priority in your life– He will do what’s best for you, and save you from all of the negativity and insecurities that surround you. Pray to him today, and mean it– He will listen and transform your bad circumstances into the right circumstances to do what’s best for you and your family.
SHARE: DO YOU ALSO FEEL THAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL MOST ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE? HOW DID YOU OVERCOME THIS FEELING?