“You are not the mother”
Can you even count how many times you heard that phrase?
So much revolves around a simple phrase like that. One of the consequences of it is that for most of us….. there isn’t a place of power that we can rely on when it comes to making any decision regarding the kids or the parenting style. But we suffer the consequences of every decision….sometimes we are the first and direct person that has to deal with the aftermath.
The silver lining that we can find when it comes to this type of situations is that because we don’t get to make the decisions…. we don’t have to take the responsibility for them in front of the children. Not having the power or “muscle” has good and bad things… The bad one is that we might get disrespected, stepped on, mistreated, etc, etc…. and don’t have the authority to ground anyone (specially if the kids are teenagers). If we don’t have self-control and blow up on their faces we will probably have issues later with our spouse, the biomom or even the children themselves (they might also think we are evil…and they will have “facts” to prove it).
So… When it comes to dealing with not having authority or power, we can rely on the fact that the kids might actually be more relaxed around us, and even consider us their friend because we aren’t the ones making the decisions. If we concentrate on keeping our good reputation intact through self control and gracious and loving words we can ultimately have more influence over their behaviors than the actual biological parents that sometimes use the more traditional ways of parenting (or don’t “parent” at all).
21 A wise person gets known for insight;
gracious words add to one’s reputation.
27 Mean people spread mean gossip;
their words smart and burn.
28 Troublemakers start fights;
gossips break up friendships.
29 Calloused climbers betray their very own friends;
they’d stab their own grandmothers in the back.
30 A shifty eye betrays an evil intention;
a clenched jaw signals trouble ahead.
31 Gray hair is a mark of distinction,
the award for a God-loyal life.
32 Moderation is better than muscle,
self-control better than political power.
33 Make your motions and cast your votes,
but God has the final say.
Self-control is the main component in our stepmom lives. We live our lives constantly holding back our reactions and emotions. Even if we are extremely involved in our kid’s life…we have no “political power”. The phrase “you aren’t the mother” is behind every conversation, directly or indirectly by everyone around…including ourselves. We need to stand on Christ who is the ultimate source of moderation and self-control. Remember that in between the craziness, your husband and your children, should be able to find peace and a strong pillar of faith in you. Be the different parent, be moderate and have self control because that’s the true way of having an influence. At the end, influence is stronger than power.
SHARE: HAVE YOU USED OTHER APPROACHES TO FEELING POWERLESS THAT HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR LIFE? HOW DO YOU MANAGE THE FEELINGS? ARE YOU ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR HUSBAND?