Ask.

Sometimes I remember things that I’ve said to my husband when we were dating and I really want to go back to those times and kick myself. I can’t really get mad at my old me because I really didn’t know better, but if someone now even dares to tell me the things I told him back then I would get very upset. Mind you, I didn’t say things that were hurtful or plain stupid, but I was very insensitive about many topics because of my lack of experience (and knowledge of him).

Many times we are quick to judge a situation and say what we want to say instead of actually taking the time to ask questions. As a therapist I know this, but as a wife and a stepmom I usually tend to forget. Questions are extremely important. In most situations by simply asking the right questions we can defuse a potential argument before it grows. 

If only I had taken a little more time on getting to know my husband’s heart, his story and his intentions, I would’ve said less damaging things and I would’ve had the chance to be more assertive. Listening is the biggest part on the art of great communication. To make a blended marriage work the three things we need the most are: God, empathy, and assertive communication. 

One of the only ways of having sincere empathy for someone is through knowing their story. Exploring their pain and weaknesses and appreciating the beauty of their struggle. The bottom line is that we are all human: imperfect and fragile. Deep down we all have the same fears. The fear of failure, the fear of vulnerability… of pain… of loneliness. If only we could remember that in every conversation we share.

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“Answering before listening
    is both stupid and rude.

A healthy spirit conquers adversity,
    but what can you do when the spirit is crushed?

Wise men and women are always learning,
    always listening for fresh insights.”

Proverbs 18:13-15

 

Humility is our best ally. Even when it’s hard…it’s important to always listen before we make a judgment or before even saying anything at all. Sometimes what we want to say will open up a can of warms that wasn’t suppose to be opened at that time… Be patient and hear your partner, understand where he is coming from and answer accordingly. So many arguments can be avoided by just listening and being humble enough to accept new insights!! Always be willing to learn new things…specially when it comes to understanding your husband and children. Ask God to control your tongue in these moments and to open your mind to his new insight.

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